A man asked his wife

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said,
"I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright
and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park -
the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go one very
ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later,
her head
reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and
sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.Her
husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!

Three men were sitting in a bar

Three men were sitting in a bar lying about how under their thumb they had their
wives.

The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.

They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so under my thumb that
the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."

Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.

The man replied,"Well, I was laying under the bed and she crawled over and said,
'Come out and fight like a man!

A policeman stops a lady

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."

The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."

The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

A thief and his girlfriend were walking

A thief and his girlfriend were walking down Main Street when she spotted a
beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry store window. "Wow, I'd sure love to have
that!" she said.

"No problem, baby," the thief says, throwing a brick through the glass and
grabbing the ring.

A few blocks later, his girlfriend was admiring a leather jacket in another shop
window. "What I would give to own that!" she said.

"Sure thing, darling," the guy says again, throwing another brick through the
window and snatching the coat.

Finally, turning for home, they pass a Mercedes car dealership. "Boy, I would do
anything for one of those!" she said to her boyfriend.

"Forget that!" the guy moans. "Do you think I'm made of bricks or something?"

Doctor My husband thinks

Wife: Doctor My husband thinks he's a satellite dish.

Doctor: Don't worry I can cure him.

Wife: I don't want him cured I want you to adjust him to get the movie channel.

The patient demanded

The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."

"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants."

"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized."

In a sinking ship

In a sinking ship :

captain: what should we do??
the water level has risen above the danger mark .....


sardar: raise the danger mark level up by few feet.......

A young man asked an old

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932.
The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.”

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple
and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next morning, I
invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them
and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by
the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”

“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.

“Nah,” the old man replied. “My wife’s father died and left us two million
dollars.”

One night a father sent his son

One night a father sent his son upstairs to bed. Six
minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a
glass of water!?!''

''No. You had your chance. Be quiet and go to sleep.''

A minute later the boy screamed, ''Dad!! Can you PLEASE get
me a glass of water?''

''No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up
there and spank you.''

A minute later the boy yelled, ''Dad, when you come up to
spank me can you bring me a glass of water?''

Types of Engineers

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons,

Civil Engineers build targets.

Men are at the doctor's office for a memory test

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," came the reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," says the third man.

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

First year of marriage

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

HUSBANDS FOR SALE !

HUSBANDS FOR SALE !

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but
you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

some truth about life

कुछ साश्वत सत्य वचन पेश हैं:

१) अगर किसी लडके ने किसी लड़की से "हाय/हैलो" कहा है तो वो इसे केवल "हाय/हैलो" ही समझती है' इसके उल्टे अगर किसी लड़की ने किसी लडके को "हैलो" कहा तो लड़का इसको केवल "हैलो" नहीं समझेगा |

२) अगर लड़का "हैलो" को केवल "हैलो" समझना भी चाहेगा तो उसके दोस्त ऐसा नहीं होने देंगे, आख़िर दोस्त होते ही किस दिन के लिए हैं :-)

३) लड़के जिनकी गर्ल फ्रेंड होती है और जिनकी नहीं होती है, में केवल एक फर्क होता है, पहले वाले लोग "लड़कियों से बात करते हैं" और दूसरे वाले "लड़कियों के बारे में बात करते हैं" |

४) इंजीनियरिंग कालेज छोड़ दिए जाएँ तो संसार में सुन्दर लड़कियों की कोई कमी नहीं है |

५) जो इंजीनियरिंग कालेज जितना अच्छा होगा वहाँ लड़कियों कि गुणवत्ता कालेज की रैंक के व्युत्क्रमानुपाती होगी |

६) आपके मित्र कभी नहीं चाहते कि आपकी कोई गर्ल फ्रेंड बने, वरना वो कैंटीन में किसके साथ बैठ कर मौज करेंगे |

७) कालेज में लड़कियों के पीछे पंजीकरण बिल्कुल मुफ्त होता है, बन्दा साल में दो बार लड़की से बात नहीं करेगा लेकिन कैंटीन में हमेशा "मेरी वाली"/"तेरी वाली" संबोधन से ही बात होगी

A notice in a factory for girl workers

A notice in a factory for girl workers.
If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work..
If it is short, protect yourself from men at workâ

Ek bus mein ladko aur ladkiyo ki team

Ek bus mein ladko aur ladkiyo ki team bani antakshari khelne ke liye.
Girls: Hum tumko harakar dikhayenge..
Boys: Hum haar gaye, chalo ab dikhao.

sleep with daddy last night

Kid to english teacher - me sleep with daddy last night.
Teacher corrected: I slept with daddy last night.
Kid : Phir aap mere sone ke baad aayi hongi...

Raju if Shekesphere was alive today will he be popular

Teacher: Raju if Shekesphere was alive today will he be popular??
Raju: Yes teacher.
Teacher: How could u say that??
Raju: Because he would hav been more than 400 years old...

Which is more important to us

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

Sardar at an art gallery

Sardar at an art gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is

what
u call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg u'r pardon sir, that's a mirror

aapko shahrukh khan ki film rab ne mbana de jori

teacher: aapko shahrukh khan ki film rab ne mbana de jori film se kya sikh mili?


student:umeed mat haro..........shaddi k baad bhi ladki pat sakti hain........

Wo samay jo admi drink ker raha hai

Wife: Wo samay jo admi drink ker raha hai,
usko main nay 10 saal pehlay shadi k
liye inkaar kia tha.
Aaj tak sharab pee raha hay!

Husband: Wow! itni lambi celebration!

Give me a sentence starting

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN : I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

what do you call a person who keeps

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?

HAROLD : A teacher.

There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes

Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then, what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

Banta Singh went to an eye specialist

Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes
tested and asked,
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be ," said Banta with joy,"I have
been illiterate for so long."

What is ur opinion about women?

Santa:What is ur opinion about women?
Banta:They are all sex objects....
Santa:How come?
Banta:Whenever I want to have sex with them,they object.......

Santa and Banta Singh were bitter enemies

Santa and Banta Singh were bitter enemies.
Santa lived on the 1st and
Banta on the 7th floor of the same building.
One day the lift was out of order
and Banta Singh decided to play a trick
on Santa and called him for dinner to his house at 7:30 pm.

So Santa huffing and puffing manages to reach the 7th floor.
To his dismay he finds a big lock on the door and a message -
'HA HA ULLU BANA DIA!'

Santa is angry but thinks a lot
and finally writes his reply below Banta's message
- 'MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!'

Personal Manager to New job applicant

Personal Manager to New job applicant:
"Why did your manager fire you?"

"Well a manager is the man
who stands arround and watches others work, right?"
the young appicant replied.

"Yes, but why did he fire you?"

"He was jelous of me.
A lot of workers thought i was the manager!!

Oh ! The police is here

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the
window
2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

Do you love me ?

Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love

Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji

Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer
space.
The ground control issues commands
"Rubi!"
"Woof!"
"Press the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!"
"Woof!"
"Press the white button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!"
"Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"

HEIGHT OF REVENGE

HEIGHT OF REVENGE


Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we

had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the
same
every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs
his
sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He
tries
to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he
gets up
and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not going
for the
blood shed still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts
singing
a lullaby and says
"so ja machchar, bete so ja
(Goto sleep, O dear mosquito, goto sleep)". After some time he
finds he mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes

near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

Sardarji is in Delhi

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a
Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on

the
Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll
go
get
a ladder."
The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for
several
hours the Sardarji figured he was taken. On the next day the
Sardarji
is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him
to

buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a
ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.
This

time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

Clinton had heard a lot about Lalu Prasad Yadav

Clinton had heard a lot about Lalu Prasad Yadav & Bihar, so he wanted
to
meet Lalu Prasad Yadav. Lalu Prasad Yadav was a bit hesitant as did
not
know how to communicate in English. Bill Clinton communicated that
Lalu
Prasad Yadav should come to U.S.A. with no hesitation, he himself
would
teach him English.
So Lalu Prasad Yadav reached U.S.A. & was given a red carpet welcome &

was taken to the White House straight away. Bill Clinton said that he

alone would teach Lalu Prasad Yadav in a large conference room. Bill
Clinton only would open the door when the lessons are over. So it
started. 1 hr.
passed, 2,3,4,5.....hrs. passed; a day passed;
two days passed,
3,4,5,6.....; weeks passed. What a sensation all
over America; all
decisions were
pending; economy came to a standstill. Same
here in India,
specially in Bihar. On the 40th day of thier
lessons,
Clinton opened the door & what a sight to
see; all his clothes were
torn, his face scratched, his otherwise very
nicely done hair totally
raised.
People were surprised to see him.
Lalu followed him with his ever glowing face.
Then Clinton's
Secretary came forward & asked Clinton-
"Could you teach English to Lalu?



Guess what Clinton said:----
Clinton replied,"Eee Lalua Sasura Hamri Ekahu Nahi Sunat Hai."