TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
9:13 AM
9:13 AM
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
7:46 AM
1. Tu to Mera bhai hai...bhai !!!
2. You know I am not drunk...
3. Ab gaadi main Chalaunga...
5. Tu bura mat maan bhai...
6. Main teri Dil Se Izzat Karta hun...
7. Abey bol daal aaj usko, aar ya paar....
8. Aaj chad nahi rahi hai kya baat hai??
9. Tu Kya samajh raha hai mujhe chad gayi hai...
10. Ye mat samajh ki peeke bol raha hun...
11. Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi pad jayegi itnee...
12. Ek Ek Chhota aur ho Jae....lovely waala !!!
13. Baap ko mat Sikhao…
14. Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya...
15. Kuchh bhi hai par saala Bhai hai Apna...
16. Tu Bolna Bhai, kya chahiye...Jaan chahiye? hazir hai...
17.. Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi Chadee...shart laga le aaj tu..
18. Chal teri baat karata hoon us se, phone number de uska...
19. Saale teri bhabhi hai wo…bhabhi ki nazar se dekh usko…
20. Yaar tu samjha kar.. wo tere layak nahi hai…
21. chal bhai tu keh raha hai to tere liye chhod diya usko.. aaj se wo teri…bana issi baat par ek – ek aur peg !!!
22. Tujhe kya lagta hai chadh gayi hai... abhi ek full aur khatam kar sakta hun…
and the best one...
23. Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai.......
And Finally....
Saala... aaj se daru band...............!!!
11:11 AM
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
11:09 AM
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
11:06 AM
Teacher: "Why were you late?"
Pupil: "Sorry, I overslept."
Techer: "You mean you need to sleep at home too!"
11:04 AM
A sinking ship's Captain: "Does anyone know how to pray?"
A priest says he can pray.
Captain: "Ok priest, you pray. Everyone else will wear a life jacket. We are short of one."
11:02 AM
Two men Lory and Dwart are chatting as they work.
Lory says: "I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week."
Dwart: "Ooh!"
Lory: "For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?"
Dwart: "No."
Lory: "He's the inventor of the phone in 1876. If you take night courses you would know this."
The next day, the same discussion took place.
Dwart: "Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?"
Lory: "No."
Dwart: "He's the author of 'The 3 Musketeers'! If you take night courses, you would know this."
The next day, once again:
Lory: "And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?"
Dwart: "No"
Lory: "He's the author of 'Confessions', if you take night courses, you would know this."
This time, Narayan got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?"
Dwart: "No"
Lory: "He's the guy roaming with your wife! If you stop night courses, you would know!"
10:25 AM
Santa : Yaar Banta ! Tujhe Pata Hai, Kal Raat Mere Saath Kya Hua ? Kal Jab Raat Ko Main Akela Sunsaan Raste Se Ghar Ja Raha Tha, To Do Aadmiyo Ne Chaaku Dikha Ke Mujhe Loot Liya. Pehle To Unhone Mujhe Daraaya, Phir Dhamkaaya Aur Mera Purse, Meri Chain, Meri Ghadi Sab Lekar Champat Ho Gaye.
Banta : Ye To Bahot Bura Hua !!! Lekin Tum Apne Saath Hamesha Pistol Bhi To Rakhte Ho Na ??
Santa : Haan, Ussey Main Apne Pair Ke Socks Mein Chhupa Ke Rakhta Hu. Shukra Hai Bhagwaan Ka, Un Logo Ki Nazar Meri Pistol Par Nahi Padi.
11:45 AM
1 गधे ने सरदार को लात मारी और भाग गया ...
सरदार उसके पीछे भागा ......गधा तो मिला नहीं लेकिन जेब्रा मिल गया....
सरदार उसे जोर - जोर से मारने लगा
" साले नाईट ड्रेस पहन के उल्लू बनाता है ..."
9:15 AM
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said,
"When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it`s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain ?" said the counselor, "You re still getting the same service!"
5:16 AM
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in
D.C. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third, from China.
They go with a White House office to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we
hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
1:09 PM
Balwinder Singh kisses some girl on the road.
Girl shouts out... "What are you doing??"
Balwinder Singh replies... "B.Com from Khalsa College- Chandigarh.
12:58 PM
Mr. Banta Singh is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific. Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time.
Banta : 'Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who U Yar?. I can't compete with a world champion'
Gary : 'How about if I play left handed ?'
Banta : [Think.. Think..] 'OK!'
Banta is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Santa Singh.
Banta : Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me in spite of him playing left-handed.....
Santa : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! U know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!
12:57 PM
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector."Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector."Allright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...",BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
12:33 PM
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your license and registration?
Driver: I don't have them. It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license and registration?
Driver: Sure. Here they are.
b Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told there's a body in it.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: HA! Oh boy, that's a good one. I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too!
12:29 PM
Interviewer:How does an electric motor run?
Sardar:Dhurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............
Interviewer shouts!: Stop it!
Sardar: dhup dup dup dup
dup dup....
4:57 AM
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your sister.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part limeJ
9:21 AM
WIFE - EK BAAT BOLOON ? MARNAA MAT !.
HUSBAND (AKHBAAR PADHTE PADHTE) - HAAN DEAR, BOLO BOLO.
WIFE - MAIN NA.....MAIN NA.. PREGNANT HUN...
HUSBAND - REALLY...ARRE GOOD, YEH TOH GOOD NEWS HAI. DAR KYON RAHI
THI HEYN...?
WIFE - COLLEGE KE DINON MEIN EK BAAR PAPPA KO BATAYA THA, BADI MAAR
PADI THI. AB TAK YAAD HAI.!!!!!
8:13 AM
EXCLUSIVELY FOR ENGINEERS
Question: We know that 2/10=0.2
but
Prove that 2/10=2
Answer:
Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus".
But Engineering Students replied :-
2=two,
10=ten.
Therefore
Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.
Putting numbers for alphabets according to there position
w=23,
o=15,
e=5,
n=14.
therefore
w+o=23+15=38
&
e+n=5+14=19
Therefore
wo/en=38/19=2.
Hence Proved...!!
FOR, Engineers “ It doesn’t matter “answer kya hai”,
they say “answer kya laana hai…!”
8:07 AM
THE SUCCESS OF MARRIAGE!
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.
They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".
Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? "
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:
"We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.
Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on
which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse
and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and
continued.
When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?".
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."
Husband:"That' s it. We are happy ever after ";-)
5:08 AM
"Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.
What is confidence????
A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft.
Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system.
Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed.
Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies: If it is the same software thats developed by my company's IT systems department, this plane won't even take off!!!! ."
Error! Filename not specified.
That is called Confidence!!!
5:05 AM
The diagram demonstrates the process in a female and male brain during the simple question: "Shall we go for a drink?" ;-))
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